Show me the money

Money will not buy you happiness
But it can buy you peace of mind...and some fancy shoes and bags.

Money is not everything
But it is definitely something....and some more.

Money is not important in life
And I am Maryln Monroe...and JFK rolled into one.

Money should never be one's top priority in life
But it should be a priority nevertheless....and it should remain there for the rest of your life.

You cannot take your money with you when you die
Who cares as long as you have some all the time to take it with you where ever you go when you are alive.

For the most part of my life I did not give money its due respect. I had given it the lowest position in the ladder of my priorities in life. And there it remained uncomplaining with a smug smile on its face like the one you usually find on the faces of people who think, "Ignore me, humiliate me, trash me -but at your own peril."
Only recently, life compelled me to look down the ladder and there I saw -Mr.Money, with a `I-told-you-so' look on its face. That's when I realised the truth and most importantly acknowledged the truth -that it is not necessary to either pooh-pooh money nor make it the Lord of your life. But it is important to understand its importance and give it its rightful place in your life.

From now on, I believe that we would be treating each other with great respect and would be of benefit to each other. Amen to that!

Mind is in a tizzy

Where did we come from?
Why are we here?
Where are we going to go from here?

Of all the answers that I have received for the above in the past three decades I am most comfortable with the following:

I came from eternity -I am an extension of the Divine Source or Energy (what you call it depends on whether you believe in God or not. But that is of no consequence to me. It is more comforting for me personally to think of the Divine Source or Great Energy as God. More real. But that's me)
I am here because I wanted to be here
I am going to go back home

Fine. I am here because I wanted to be here. But why did I want to be here in the first place? There should've been a reason right? Something here must have attracted me immensely to make me want to come here. Or I must have wanted to do something different and unique, something only I could do -that could've been a motivation for me to want to come here.

.....So there you are...I spend my life trying to figure out why did I want to come into this world in the first place? What was the reason? What was the purpose?

However, it is nice to know that I am going nowhere without finding that....or rather without fulfilling the purpose for which I came here...

Observing life

I went for a funeral last evening...actually it was the eve of the funeral. The man of the house was lying in the mortuarty of a local hospital awaiting the arrival of relatives from Kerala, who rarely visited him when he was alive, but he would not and could not be given his farewell without the presence of the ubiquitous relatives.
So, there I was, standing next to the widow, not knowing what to say to her (I don't think I will ever know what to say to someone in such situations), squeezing her shoulders, hoping I was applying the right kind of pressure, which would convey my condolensces to her. Firstly, I wasn't supposed to be here. The widow was my mother's friend. Since my mother couldn't make it I was representing mommy dear and doing a very bad job of it. It was an akward situation. The wife didn't know what to say to me nor did I. So there we stood, she weeping gently and me breathing -yes, just breathing. Breath is the only thing that never fails you no matter what the situation is. It doesn't stop. The day it stops...somebody else would be standing there just like me...breathing and not knowing what to say, but breathing!

One often encounters humour in the house of the dead. It is not civilized or kind to laugh, so you just cough and shuffle your feet desperately trying to camflouge that little smile that is always trying escape through the corners of your mouth. I don't know whether it has happened to others or it is just me...I somehow tend to see things that makes me laugh or atleast crack a smile in the worst of situations. Some say that is a gift, I say it is downright uncomfortable -for me!

Once I finished squeezing the widow's shoulders and reached a point where any more `squeezing' would cross over to being considered `bodily assault' I quitely moved to the sidelines and began doing what I love doing -people watching.

As it is the case in India, there were many women surrounding the widow, consoling and comforting her. And again mouring in India is never silent -it is always loud, noisy and filled with sounds human chatter. So there were all these women, around a dozen of them, indulging in a kind of serial-monologue of sorts. The conversations were highly random. What happened? How did he die? Did you inform so and so? When are the relatives coming? Now what will she do? Oh he had a good death? Drink some tea? Who's gone to get the shamiana? We need more chairs. More people would be coming? Oh how did he die? I can spare some chairs from my house. Btw, you still have my chair.....

you get my point....it was thoughts, half sentences, full sentences, just a word...but there was a method to the madness. The aim was to fill the gaps. The silences. Because `silence' is a zone that the widow should not be allowed to step into right now. So, there she was, the widow, sitting in the middle of these cackling women. Sometimes what they said made her cry, at times she was forced to thing of practical matters which would take her mind off the tragedy. So the game continued.

It is in these conversations that you find a lot to laugh.

At some point the lady began to weep inconsolably. That is when the woman sitting next to her, in her mid forties, tall, clad in a cotton saree and still carrying the remnants of morning household chores on her...trying to console the weeping widow. "Don't cry," she said softly first. She repeated the same again and again. And each time the softness in her voice edged away. And finally, she told the widow sternly, "Stop crying. All this crying will not help you." What she said next made me chuckle. "Now all you can do is pray. Pray to God that you should also die fast. Pray that he takes you too. Soon." I am sure I saw the widow visibly go stiff for a moment. She was surprised and shocked no doubt. And I am also sure that I saw the widow slowly move away from the circle of this woman's arms and gently onto the shoulders of the woman on the right.

It was truly a comical situation....

Random Thoughts

How many times have you heard beauty pagent winners say, "Oh my friends sent my photos for the competition....I had no idea whatsoever..." Or "my friends said that I should be a model...so they sent my photos....without my knowledge....they thought I would be terrific and recommended my name...."

If you are someone who is familiar with sites like Fropper and Orkut then you should be familiar with this phrase in mails that you receive from the opposite sex: "My friends think i have a sense of humor....they think I am energetic (i swear i got that one in my mailbox today)....they say I am a terrific guy and that I am intelligent, smart and goodlooking...." I am saying....Morons don't you'll have brains that functions? Can't you'll think for your ownself....?

Well there is more to this than meets the eye...I think as a society we have been brought up to feel guilty and ashamed to express any kind of sentiments or thoughts that would make us believe that we are good, beautiful, an acheiver, sensible, smart, a winner etc...Others can say it, but you can't and shouldn't. They make you feel guilty for being ambitious...if say your aim in life is to make money or be rich they think you are materialistic...or if you say, i want to be a beauty queen then you are viewed as beauty with no brains....If you do voice your ambitios or say nice things about yourse you are considered a horrible pompous creature....so what do you do, you cook up friends...imaginary friends that would be your mouthpiece...they would say all the things that you want said about you, do all the things that you want to do...if you win you take the credit and if you lose they take the fall....no harm...at the same time, your golden halo remains intact.

I just want to hear one beauty queen say honestly, "Yes I sent my own photos to the beauty pagent...i want to win it...make pots of money...and get into movies...AND that doesn't make me either dumb or stupid."
Then I can die happily.
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Why do Indian newsreaders scream the news on our tellies instead of read the news. There is a stiff competition between Rajdeep Sardesai, Arnab, and numerous journos on Headlines Today, CNN IBN, TIMES NOW, and NDTV as to who can scream the best.....Since all these guys are good at aping the western television, they should try and copy the newscasters of CNN and BBC....they don't scream the news they READ the news...and we can understand just fine.

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There should be a law that imposes penalty on all journalists who commit the following crimes:
1. Those who believe that interviewing is only about asking questions and not about listening to the answers.
2. Those who think the only way one can be a top journalist in this country is by screaming down the person you are interviewing.
3. Those who never let the other person get even a word in...
4. Those who prompt...hmmm...hmmmm...hmmmm...during an interview. There is especially one journo in TIMES NOW...who drives me crazy with her nasal...hmmmm...hmm..hmm...Oh for chrissake...didn't they teach you in journalism college to shut your freaking mouth and not make a sound when the other person is speaking...
5. All newscasters who think it is fashionable to read news without punctuation marks.......
there's more to come...
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Have you notice how our so called talk-show/walk show tigers turn into purring cats when they interview beautiful women from Bollywood...? Why?

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I recently read that a mother and her youngest son together killed the older son because the latter was an alcoholic and an abusive one to boot....why didn't someone tell them about AA....that would've been a more suitable way to deal with alcoholics in the house...

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Awww....!

Following the devastating tsunami in December 2004 that killed hundreds of thousands of people and displaced millions in Southeast Asia, people across the world opened their hearts and wallets to help.The effects of the tsunami were felt in many coastal countries, and not just by humans.When Owen, a wild baby hippopotamus, was washed away from his herd on the coast of Kenya, he was left orphaned. The following day, nearby villagers came to Owen's rescue, bringing him to a local wildlife park. There the search for a surrogate parent led little Owen to Mzee, a cranky 130-year-old giant tortoise. The frightened hippo adopted the old tortoise as his parent. It seemed like love at first sight as Mzee, who was a loner for years, instantly accepted the baby hippo as his own. The pair began eating together and sleeping side by side.Today, more than two years later, Owen still follows Mzee around the park. Owen and Mzee have formed such a tight bond, workers at the park are worried that Owen is acting too much like a tortoise. They have brought in another hippo to teach Owen how to act a little more hippo-like.

When I discovered why I came into this world

I finally found the answer to the question that I have been asking for a long, long time now. At one point in time I was sure that I was going to die without discovering the answer to my question. It was a simple question: Why did I come into this world? What was the purpose?

As I was growing up, I didn't pay much attention to finding the answers, since I beleived that the answer would ultimately find its way to me in the form of the choices that I would be making in my life -personal and professional. But that was not to be so.

With each birthday celebration there was an urgency in me to find the answer to that all important question, which was slowly eating at me. I mean, I knew I wasn't born to just live and die. There was something that I was meant to do in this world. Something that people usually call, mission, vision, dream, goal...whatever....I too had my mission, vision, dreams, goals and whatever...only that none of those `items' never lasted long enough for me to say, "Aha this it it...this is the reason I was born." None of the M.V.D.G.Ws felt right. I was never consumed by any of those. I lost interest quickly...I never enjoyed doing what I did for long....Now, if those things that I were doing in life where the right reasons for which I came into this world then I shouldn't find it difficult or boring or downright miserable doing those things....I should be enjoying them. I should be filled with joy ....But no such luc. It was indeed a NO..Until two weeks ago....

Finally, when I found the answer I was stumped. For some strange reason I always thought the answer, when it finally came, would be something on the lines of -Oh, you came to this world to be the next Oprah Winfrey or Steven Speilberg or Richard Branson (yeah, yeah....very materialistic and ambitious of me!) or someone really great and famous and rich and wonderful....(yeah, more materialistic)So, finally when I got my answer to the question that I was looking for I did a doubletake. I wondered aloud -Is that it? Is that why I came into this world? Is that the purpose of my exsistence? Are you sure? Would you like to check your books once again and let me know...I can wait you know....afterall I have waited for so long.....But then the answer was crystal clear -I came into this world for just one purpose -to live every moment of my life joyously. Yes. That was it. Yup, it did sound a little trivial even to me...but that was it...I CAME INTO THIS WORLD TO LIVE EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE JOYOUSLY -THAT WS MY PURPOSE.

I have heard many people (read people who always claimed to know what their mission in life was very early in life) say, that Universe/life always gives you little glimpses of your purpose or mission in life early on. And as you grow older these glimpses becomes visible signposts -some are smart to notice them and go in the right direction and some like me take a little longer or wait till the signposts turn into huge billboards. If I were to pursue that line of thought, then yes, Universe did give me numerous hints of my purpose in life.

There were times when I would be engulfed in sheer, unexplicable joy that I could literally feel bubbling from within and overflowing....for no apparent rhyme or reason. Sometimes, everything around me would be collapsing yet I would feel this extreme happiness inside of me -a joy that transcended all understanding. Sometimes it would be so visible that I have had friends and others walk up to me ask, "Oh, my you look so happy. What's happening? New Man in your life?" (The last bit always bugged me. It would bug you too if the "new man" last came into your life some 100 years ago...) But then, the point is, I never realised during all those times that it was God (to me) and Universe (to those who don't believe in God) showing me little signs as to what my purpose in life was. TO LIVE JOYOUSLY.

Finally, when I did find the answer to my all important question in life -I knew it was THE and ONLY answer. It was the right answer. I knew it -in my gut! There was this feeling of having come back home for good. But that still left me with a sub-question -There should be more to this answer, what is it? And there was....

I love creating. Yes. That's what I call all that I do. Writing new stories. Articles. Making documentaries. Creating new projects -even if it meant redecorating my house - to me it was creating...everything was a new project and every project was a new creation and eveyr new creation propelled me to the next level in life. I just loved the process of such deliberate creation. I would be involved body, mind and soul in each of these projects. Complete it. And then move on. When I completed a project I lost interest in it. I very rarely went back to it. My parents and friends thought I was drifting. Especially my father who thought I didn't have it in me to be interested in anything for long. My pastor was happy that I was single....But I knew in my heart that I was not a drifter. I just loved creating different things. Finish it. And move on to the next thing. But then society has a knack of making you doubt your own truths. And that's what happened to me. Over a period of time I begin to see myself as someone who was without an anchor -a rolling stone...and that anguish only increased my questioning -why did I come into this world? To do what?

Each one of us create our own world. We create our own reality. And creation is meant to happen only from a joyous state. Such creations always expands the universe. Think of any invention and you will understand what I mean. You might ask, why should we expand the universe? The universe evolves constantly and for it to evolve constantly it needs to expand and it can expand only through our creations or our individual realities and in order to do that you need to be in a joyous state, for that is what we were to begin with -pure, positive, joyous souls (for those who blieve in God) or pure, positive, joyous Energy (for those who believe in the Big Bang Theory -either which way it works....

Confusing? It is not, for those who want to understand.....for the universe always functions on the most important law -Ask and you shall receive -the law of attraction! Think about it.

From Kevin Robert's brain box -CEO Worldwide of Saatchi & Saatchi

(From the archives of Dream Scope)

Thoughts on….On your way to win the world.

1.Make the small decisions with your head; the big ones with your heart. Your heart is the compass that points to your happiness.

2.Decide what it is you will never do. It’s hard to decide exactly what you will do. Maybe it's not possible; perhaps your goals may change. Improve your chances of a good decision by telling yourself what you absolutely will not do. Minimizes your chances of unhappiness - of finding yourself in a job that you hate, that goes nowhere.

3.Take responsibility for your own happiness. In your hearts, you know - or you will know - what it will take to make you happy. You are responsible for getting there. Your happiness is too valuable to surrender to someone else.

4.Prepare yourself to get lucky. Luck happens when preparation meets opportunity. All of you here will get opportunities in life. You’ll get chances to make your own luck. If you're prepared.

5.Pursue failure. It’s the only way to achieve meaningful success. I’ve been successful in my pursuit of failure - several times. A genius is a person who makes the same mistake. Once. You won't know your limits till you crash up against them.

6.Don’t look back. Life is too short to spend it gazing into the rear-view mirror. You’ll make mistakes; if you obsess over them, you'll keep making them.

7.Ask dumb questions. The "what if" question is the best question of all. A great question is at least as valuable as a great answer. It’s how you get to create world-changing ideas.

8.Avoid moderation. Be hot, or cold, but not lukewarm. Nothing succeeds like excess. And only abuse your bodies on the weekend.

9.Turn your peaks into a plateau. For all of us, there are times and places when we're right in the zone. For most people, these occasions are rare and unpredictable. We use so little of our capacity for so much that is so important - work, family, love.

10.One final thought. The words that sum up my life; nothing is impossible. Believe it.

Writing advice by famous authors

Famous writers reveal and explain elements of their craft.

I don’t actually compose in longhand. I lie back in a long chair and make notes, you know, bits of dialogue and then another bit of description. You see, I don’t try to make it continuous. Then I work at the typewriter. I find one system that works very well with me is to sit at the typewriter and have a pad on my desk, on which I write out the next bit of the story, maybe a bit of dialogue or description by hand, and then transfer it to the machine. But I make several drafts. The stuff I do on the typewriter isn’t the final version. I mess it about a lot with ink, and put in bits and alter adjectives and things, and then make a fair copy of it. The great thing I like working on the typewriter. It rather inspires me.
P.G.Wodehouse, 1971

I start with a concept that outrages me, something that bothers the hell out of me. I think arresting fiction is written out of a sense of outrage. I try to find something with an underpinning of reality. I generally go back over recent history looking for a situation where the events have a conceivable official explanation but where the solution might be other than it is purported to be.
Robert Ludlum, 1977

You should spend thirty minutes a day thinking about sex. The purpose of this is to get yourself sexually excited, which builds tremendous amounts of energy and then carry that into your work. Get yourself in that extreme state of being next to madness. Keep yourself in, not necessarily a frenzied state, but in a state of great intensity. The kind of state you would be in before going to bed with your partner. That heightened state when you are in a carnal embrace: Time stops and nothing else matters. You should always writer with an erection. Even if you are a woman.
Tom Robbins, 1988

I had no time to write –zero time. But I figured I could make time if I could carve out little segments. I knew it would be a slow process, but I didn’t care because I was in no hurry. I learned two very valuable lessons in doing that. One, you can’t get in a hurry. Two, write every day if you want to see your novel completed. My goal was to write a page a day. Some days I could only find thirty minutes, some days two hours. Sometime I would write five or six pages, sometimes, just one. But writing every single day is of utmost importance. Especially like most beginning writers, you have another full-time job.
John Grisham 1993.
(More to come….)

The art of letting go and moving on in life

There are three things that all humans should absolutely learn to do:
When you like/love someone tell them –be it mom, dad, sibling, friend, husband, lover, children….for god’s sake TELL THEM. Then learn the art of letting go and finally learn to move on in life.

My friends say, “Yes, you need to tell people how you feel about them, but when it is between a man and a woman and if the woman happens to like the man then she should do anything but tell him.” My question: Why? Friends answer: “Men like to chase and not be chased. A woman should always wait for the man to make the first move. If she doesn’t 99% of the time the man loses interest. That’s the law of nature.” They might have a point there. But I still prefer to stick to my guns. When you like a person (irrespective of the gender) you need to let them know your feelings. It is based on a simple logic: When somebody tells me that they like me or they appreciate me (I mean genuinely), my heart floods with a joy that adds a zing to my step. It is a beautiful feeling. Humans are social animals and we feed off each other’s energies, vibrations and love. So, I presume, it is the same joy that would warm the cockles of the heart of the other person who hears it from me about how I feel about him/her. Why then hide those feelings that are pure, positive and all love? Why play mind games? Why wait for the other person to discover your untold feelings? And if he or she doesn’t `discover' then set out to manipulate their actions till you get what you want? Life is too short to play complicated games. So I say when you like someone tell them –it doesn’t matter that you are a woman.

I will always carry the regret of not expressing my feelings towards a relative and then it was too late. She meant the world to me and on the day I saw her face down in the well in the backyard I knew I would never be able to tell her how much I loved her and what joy she brought into my life. I never want to repeat that mistaket ever in my life.

One must also be prepared for the consequences of our actions. It is here that my friends are absolutely true in their analysis. Nine out of ten times, men are unable to handle a woman expressing her feelings towards them. They become Olympic sprinters on a 100 mt dash. Even when you want to convince them that you are not thinking of walking down the aisle with them for the next thousand years, they get the hibee jeebes. They become so damn nervous that they don’t listen to what you have to say: I like you and all I want to do is get to know you better and see where it goes. So before you reach the third word in the sentence the man is in the next town. Still, no matter how painful the rejection is I believe one should always be true to their feelings.

Well, you tell the person how you feel and your feelings aren’t reciprocated. Then what do you do. It is here that we need to learn the art of LETTING GO. Which a nurse in a hospital in Bangalore refused to do. Apparently, the young woman was unable to accept the fact that her boyfriend wanted to end the relationship with her. So she decided to confront him with a bottle of acid. In the ensuing fracas the man escaped the furious acidic fumes but the woman was not so lucky. Today, she is in the same hospital where she worked, with 80% burns fighting for her life. Was the man worth it? Never in a zillion years is anyone worth your life.

This is what I don’t understand –when somebody doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, then what use is it to want that man/woman in your life? Do you genuinely think you can be happy with such an arrangement? Don’t we all deserve the best? Why should we settle down for the second best?

You cannot change how people feel towards you. It has to come from within them. Only those feelings last. They might have genuine reasons for not reciprocating your feelings. Or they might be plain jerks. No matter what, their rejection is not a reflection of who you are and what you are as a person. It is just the universe telling you –He/she is not for you. There is someone better and more deserving waiting for you. Let go. You do all that you have to do and then let go. However, clichéd it might sound, it is true that if he/she is meant for you they will come back otherwise they were never meant to be in your life to begin with.

Letting go is easier said than done. What makes it easier is the ability to follow the principle of Moving On in life. Firstly, never sweep the incident under the carpet. Acknowledge you are hurt and disappointed. And that you feel as unworthy as a kitchen rag. That you want to turn your man into a rare steak and feed him to your dogs. But then your grieving period should come with an expiry date. Anything between 24 hours to two weeks should be ideal or whatever works for you, let it not be a life-long venture. During this period, talk to your friends, write a journal, and get all the venom, the sadness, the hurt, the pain -everything out of your system. It is cathartic. Learn to be more forgiving of your mistakes. Then when your time is up, get ready to see the other side. Maybe the person did you a favor by being honest about his/her feelings. Maybe he or she is a wonderful person it is just that they are not for you. They have someone else waiting for them out there in the world just like you have someone waiting for you. But until and unless, you let go of this person, the universe will not bring you the one that is truly meant for you.

Think of the good times that you had together. Forgive each other for the hurt that you have caused. And move on in life, carrying only the sweet memories of the past and hope for the future. Remember, only when you let go, you gain something.

Naked Demi Moore Syndrome

This was written by Erma Bombeck, world renowned columnist in 1991, soon after a very pregnant Demi Moore posed naked on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine known as the MOTHER OF ALL COVERS. The cover photograph took the world by storm. I came across this column in one of my old collection-piles. It was funny when I read it the first time. It still is….and some of my friends who have become mothers since say, “Very true.”

Second Pregnancies Erase Any Modesty

Since Demi Moore’s Vanity Fair appearance, which gives new meaning to “mother of all covers,” I’ve read a host of male reactions. They range from “disgusting” to “shocking” to “breathtakingly beautiful.”

As a mother, I feel bound to tell you: You are missing the point. This is Demi Moore’s second child. I’ll repeat that. This is Demi Moore’s second child. Translated, that means modesty is no longer a word in her vocabulary.

I am willing to bet that before the birth of her first offspring, she wore weights in the hems of her maternity tops. She demurely crossed her legs at the ankles at all times and requested two sheets in the gynecologist’s office. All that changed when she entered the hospital to deliver.
There is a stream of men we have never seen before who whip in and out of our hospital rooms like they are caught in a revolving door. They invade our bare chests with stethoscopes and throw back the sheets to “take a look at what we have here.” They pump, probe, squeeze and push on every part of our bodies. Hey interrupt our baths to inquire about our irregularities and watch us struggle with the hospital gowns that are too small to set a cocktail glass on.
There should be a sign over every delivery room in the country: Here enters the last modest woman on the face of the Earth!
When I delivered my second child, I shared a room with a young woman giving birth to her first. She was so modest that when she was examined, she turned her head to the wall and bit her lips until they bled. Two days after she delivered, she approached a man in the hall and said, “Doctor, I am nursing. Does this look normal to you?” and proceeded to drop her robe. A nurse guided her to her room and told her she had just bared herself to a maintenance man.
The loss of modesty is a given. You have no control over it. From that day on your body is never your own. Your children will not only watch you when you shower they will bring along their little friends. Why you are using the bathroom they will unlock the door with a shish-kebab skewer. You sit at the breakfast table with your robe open. It doesn’t matter anymore.
After I left the hospital following the birth of my first child, I somehow knew I would never be the same again. At that time, what I was feeling didn’t have a name. After this summer, I suspect it will be known as the Demi Moore syndrome.

Give me some of my past, just one more time...

Change is the only constant in life. It is inevitable. It is necessary.And its definitions are always cliched! But no matter what, the `new’ always makes your heart pine for `certain moments’ of the old; those special moments of a time gone by. Even if the `new’ is wonderful the heart hangs around certain exceptional moments of the past. Moments that will never be repeated. Moments those come with the rider –`one time only’.

There are definite `Moments’ in life that can never be had, ever again. But you want to –just one more time…..Wonderful school days of yore, carefree time spent with college mates who thought that the future was nothing but rosy and all will remain young, happy, untroubled and together –forever. The thump of an adolescent heart when it discovers love for the first time (okay, fine it was infatuation, but the 15 year old heart didn’t know it at that time). The first time your boyfriend took your hand in his and the sensation that ran right through your veins all the way to your toes. The first kiss – (in my opinion, highly overrated) when you expected the world to come to a standstill (and you waited and waited and waited, but it never happened) still the strangely sweet sensation that you felt in your heart moments before your untouched lips were marked forever would never be felt ever again. The first time you heard someone say `I love you’ to you and how your body morphed into an imaginary eagle soaring high in the clear blue skies, thinking it was going to last forever. Soon you realize it’s not to be. But that first heady sensation was so truly marvelous. Moments before you meet a person with whom you shared a great chemistry over the phone line for months together. You might continue to have that chemistry but the earlier one was dearer. The chase before the catch. Precious moments of being wooed and pursued before you give in. The moments of courtship before copulation. Moments that are unique and will never be repeated again.

These treasured memories are cloaked in nothing but sheer joy and pleasure and untainted by the vagaries of life. And they are felt just once and are never repetitive. These memories are important for they are the catalysts of change. They push you forward in life. From one stage to another. They prompt you to take the next step into another realm. Hurling you into the thick of change; of a future filled with promise and hope. But there is no going back to where you came from. The minute you step on to the next stage the previous one becomes a `memory’ –lost in the past for eternity.

And these memories fade with time, no matter how desperately you try to hold on to them. Ultimately what you are left with is a dull ache of things gone by and an outline of what once was. You pine for them. You yearn for them. You hope to have just one more tryst with those precious moments embedded in your past. But the truth that you can’t makes change all the more painful and poignant.

Recently, I made numerous memories to be stored in the treasure chest of life. I know I can never have those moments in life ever again. I wish I had somehow found a way to prolong those moments, but all special moments come with a time limit; an expiry date. Those moments launched me into the next phase in life. But like all humanity, I know I will pine for just one more dalliance with those special moments from my past, in the twilight years of my life, crying silently – “just one more time….”

Small is the new Big

Here's some more from Dreamscope.......

Stories from a blog -Seth Godin, an author and thought leader

Big used to matter. Big meant economies of scale. (you never hear about "economies of tiny" do you?) people, usually guys, often ex-marines, wanted to be ceo of a big company. the fortune 500 is where people went to make… a fortune. there was a good reason for this. value was added in ways that big organizations were good at. value was added with efficient manufacturing, widespread distribution and very large r&d staffs. value came from hundreds of operators standing by and from nine-figure tv ad budgets. value came from a huge sales force.

of course, it's not just big organizations that added value. big planes were better than small ones, because they were faster and more efficient. big buildings were better than small ones because they facilitated communications and used downtown land quite efficiently. bigger computers could handle more simultaneous users, as well.get big fast was the motto for startups, because big companies can go public and get more access to capital and use that capital to get even bigger. big accounting firms were the place to go to get audited if you were a big company, because a big accounting firm could be trusted. big law firms were the place to find the right lawyer, because big law firms were a one-stop shop.

and then small happened.

enron (big) got audited by andersen (big) and failed (big.) the world trade center was a target. tv advertising is collapsing so fast you can hear it. american airlines (big) is getting creamed by jet blue (think small). boingboing (four people) has a readership growing a hundred times faster than the new yorker (hundreds of people). big computers are silly. they use lots of power and are not nearly as efficient as properly networked dell boxes (at least that's the way it works at yahoo and google). big boom boxes are replaced by tiny ipod shuffles. (yeah, i know big-screen tvs are the big thing. can't be right all the time).

i'm writing this on a laptop at a skateboard park… that added wifi for parents. because they wanted to. it took them a few minutes and $50. no big meetings, corporate policies or feasibility studies. they just did it. today, little companies often make more money than big companies. little churches grow faster than worldwide ones. little jets are way faster (door to door) than big ones. today, craigslist (18 employees) is the fourth most visited site according to some measures. they are partly owned by ebay (more than 4,000 employees) which hopes to stay in the same league, traffic-wise. they're certainly not growing nearly as fast.

small means the founder makes a far greater percentage of the customer interactions. small means the founder is close to the decisions that matter and can make them, quickly.

small is the new big because small gives you the flexibility to change the business model when your competition changes theirs.

small means you can tell the truth on your blog.

small means that you can answer email from your customers.

small means that you will outsource the boring, low-impact stuff like manufacturing and shipping and billing and packing to others, while you keep the power because you invent the remarkable and tell stories to people who want to hear them.

a small law firm or accounting firm or ad agency is succeeding because they're good, not because they're big. so smart small companies are happy to hire them.

a small restaurant has an owner who greets you by name.

a small venture fund doesn't have to fund big bad ideas in order to get capital doing work. they can make small investments in tiny companies with good (big) ideas.

a small church has a minister with the time to visit you in the hospital when you're sick.

is it better to be the head of craigslist or the head of ups?

small is the new big only when the person running the small thinks big.

don't wait. get small. think big.

dream scope navigators

roby & rahul

Hercules Ahoy!

Hercules (that thing on the right) was recently awarded the honorable distinction of Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds. With "paws the size of softballs" the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200lb. limit.

10 Qs for your company and yourself -by my neighbor Roby and his business partner!

Wisdom is never new. Wisdom is never original. But wisdom is smart -so often it morphs itself into something seemingly original. But the wise always know that good wisdom is the one that is regurgitated.

So, here goes from me to you, from my neighbor to me, from “an awesome book” to my neighbor and from god-knows-where to the author of the book MAVERICKS AT WORK.

Take over Roby….

The maverick challenge

An excerpt from an awesome book we just finished reading – mavericks at work.

We’ve made the case as forcefully as we know how that you can't do big things in business if you're content with doing things a little better than your rivals. That’s the central message behind the performance of every company we visited and every executive whose work we explored in this manifesto and in our book. To help you put our messages to work, we've compiled ten questions that amount to a maverick challenge.

1. Is there a distinctive and disruptive sense of purpose that sets you apart from the competition?
The best companies are the ones that stand for the most original and compelling ideas. What ideas are you and your company fighting for?

2. Can you be provocative without provoking a backlash?
There’s a difference between challenging the status quo and inviting retribution from rivals that are bigger, richer, and more ruthless than you. One key test of any would-be disruptor is whether he or she can also be a convincing diplomat.

3. If your company went out of business tomorrow, who would miss you and why?
We first heard this question from advertising maverick Roy Spence, who tells us that he got it from Jim Collins of good to great fame. Whatever the original source, the question is as profound as it is simple—and worth taking seriously.

4. Are you the kind of person that other smart people want to work with?
If you expect outsiders (or even colleagues) to share their best ideas with you, then don't be surprised when they expect something in return. It can be money, it can be recognition, but more often than not, what draws people into open-source projects is the chance to push them and develop their skills.

5. Can you make innovation fun?
Ideas are serious business, but if you're working to tap the brainpower of outside-the-mainstream contributors, then you have to work to keep your open-source project colorful, dramatic, and energetic.

6. Do you treat different customers differently?
If your goal is to establish a psychological contract with customers, then almost by definition you won't appeal to all customers. One test of how committed a company is to its most important customers is how fearless it is about ignoring (even offending) customers who aren't central to its mission. Not all customers are created equal.

7. Why should great people join your organization?
The best leaders understand that the best rank-and-file performers aren't motivated primarily by money. Great people want to feel like impact players inside their organizations. Great people want to be surrounded with and challenged by other great people. Put simply, great people want to feel like they're part of something greater than themselves. Does your company give them that chance?

8. Do you know a great person when you see one?
For organizations that are serious about competing on talent, who you are as a person is as important as what you know at a moment in time. That is, character counts for as much as credentials. Do you know how to conduct a character test?

9. Does your organization work as distinctively as it competes?
It’s a simple question with huge implications for productivity and performance. Leaders who are determined to elevate the people factor in business understand that the real work begins once talented people walk through the door. Hr maverick john Sullivan says it best: "stars don't work for idiots."

10. Are you learning as fast as the world is changing?
We first heard this question from Gary Hamel, the world-renowned strategy guru, and it's the ultimate challenge for any executive or entrepreneur. The best leaders we've met, regardless of their age, experience, or personal style, have all been insatiable learners. In a business environment that never stops changing, you can never stop learning.

Dream scope (i.e my neighbor Roby and his business partner Rahul) navigators' notes:

The challenge to be a business maverick is to devise bold and insightful answers to four of these timeless start points that organizations of every size and in every sector need to address:

> What do you want your business to stand for – what is the purpose of your business
> How do you unleash a new business brand idea and develop your business around this idea
> How you connect every aspect of your business with your customers
> Define the spirit of your team that will help your best people achieve great results

Lets open up the maverick in us all.

Dream scope navigators

roby & rahul

what to do with a beautiful face?

I chanced upon the following report on the net: A producer and reporter for a Seattle radio station, Dan, never thought of himself as attractive. When his marriage failed eight years ago, Dan’s self-esteem plunged. After years of shunning love, he fell for Ann, a new co-worker. But for Ann the feeling wasn’t mutual. Dan decided to go for a makeover. He had a chin implant, facial reshaping and liposuction on his face, chest, back and love handles done. To complete his look, Dan received a hair weave, dental veneers, teeth whitening, LASIK surgery and a hot new wardrobe! “Inside me, I am going to be more confident. This is going to make me more attractive person to everyone!”

Imagine, a man going through all those operations, braving the pain, the bedpan and that utterly horrendous hospital gown, and the shock of looking in the mirror and finding a new face staring back at him –all for a woman! At 18 I might have thought, “Dan is cho-chweet and romantic.” But now, I am thinking, “Hugh, what’s with that man, he needs a brain implant.”

As you grow older you begin to see beauty in unconventional forms. You like a man, not for his looks, but because there is “something more” to him. You like him because he knows how to treat you; how to make you feel like you are the most wonderful person on this earth (you know and he knows that it is not true, but who cares); you like him because the extra few pounds you carry around your waist doesn't bother him, he actually likes it! You like him because he doesn't scream and thump his chest to establish his authority; he is not a walking talking advertisement for self; you like him because he is oh, so confident and comfortable in his own skin.

When a man is confident in his own skin, oh boy, does he have a surefire winner in his hands or what? Otherwise how would you explain the phenomenal sources of an actor like Mohanlal . He’s been a successful star for more than 25 years –with the same face and same body (which has now expanded so much you might have to address it in the plural form). Lets be honest. Mohanlal is not what you would call handsome. If he had to follow in the footsteps of Dan, he would have had to have liposuction done all over him –beginning with his cheeks. But then he wouldn’t be Mohanlal and I wouldn’t be his greatest fan. For more than two decades he has been collecting fans like grains of sand on the beach, with his phenomenal talent. He is so comfortable in his own skin that you see nothing but the beauty in the man. That is the power of being your own self and liking it.

I believe firmly that the world’s greatest charmers are all men and women not with beautiful faces and bodies but an attractive spirit that radiates confidence. Growing up is difficult, especially when you don’t have the perfect nose, eyes, body and height. I remember reading somewhere that bald men and short men were considered to be the sexiest and charming men in the world. My very bald and short friend offered to explain the phenomenon: “Once you accept that you are bald and short and that you cannot reverse the situation, unless you want to go through hair weaving and look like Salman khan in a horror movie, things become easy. Then you project your bald head and lack of height as an asset. In other words, you project your imperfections with confidence till it turns out to be your signature style. Also, when you realize that you cannot attract girls with a head full of your own hair, you begin to look for other avenues –you learn to attract with your conversation sills, you learn to treat women well and respect them. You learn to treat them like a princess, the way they deserve to be treated. Before you know the women begin to see you for what you are and not just a hairless and short man.”

We just need to accept who we are and work on it to become what we want to be. It’s a lot simpler and easier to be just you. And moreover, at the end of the day what am I to do with a beautiful looking man. After some time it gets boring. But on the other hand, if I have a man who makes me feel like a princess…ah, now that’s another thing altogether!

Truths of my DNA

Truth hits you at your solar plexus at the most unexpected moments in life. It happened to me at 1.30 am this morning. I am still a little woozy in the head as a result of it. I guess you can call it the truth-hangover. A friend challenged (yes, at that ungodly hour!) the DNA of my mind; my individuality and my identity. “Who are you?” my friend asked, in a 1.30 am bed-voice, yet lucid and unambiguous. “Where do your beliefs or values come from? Are they a product of your intelligence, your thinking, and your way of life? Did you decide to believe in certain values after questioning its veracity? Or are your beliefs a residue of hand-me-down beliefs and values of your parents, your religion, your church, your friends and your environment?” And the first thing that came to my mind was: I am not debate-fit at 1.30 am in the morning and I am at my vulnerable best.

My friend has a simple philosophy of what is good and bad in life. “If something makes you happy, gives you joy and doesn’t hurt another person, then it is good. The rest are bad.” And another favorite: “We all have limited time on earth. Go with the flow of life. Don’t put off things for tomorrow, because you might miss your chance and you might regret it later in life.”

But, I am a lot more complicated than my friend. I start off well, uncomplicated and simple. Then the simplicity ends. I would begin to question the thought and soon it would be deluged with layers of doubts. And soon I am lost in a maze of confusion. Then I plough my way through it to see light at the end of the tunnel. But in the process I drive people crazy, especially friends.

For example, I might think there is nothing wrong in two people having a physical relationship if they are attracted to each other and if they are unattached to other people and if they are adults and if they are fully aware of the consequences of their actions. But, that’s where the simplicity ends. Then I would deluge the whole thinking with layers of doubts –is it right for two people to get together simply because they have great chemistry? Doesn’t it seem shallow? What would society think, parents think and the rest of the worlds think of a woman who does something like that? What is the difference between her and a hooker? At least, the latter is doing it for a livelihood? Above all would Jesus approve of it? (Yeah, Mr. is always there at the back of my mind putting a spoke in all my wheels, especially if it’s something to do with you know what) Would it be right? Would it be ethical?

Then my liberated, educated self would kick-in and stir the pot some more: What is wrong in two people enjoying themselves? Why should there be a foundation of relationship to every union? A woman is entitled to her body and it is her business alone what she does with it. The world can go hang? Why shouldn’t she do what she wants to do? So you see, just a few seconds of thinking gives rise to so many questions. And I am like a dog with a bone when I get to chew on something like this. So, you can only imagine how complicated I can get my life to be….

My friend, I think, has more or less given up on me. I think my friend thinks that I am a lost case. I heard it in the exasperation of the voice last night. I know exasperation from static over telephone lines, believe me!

Coming back to the truth that stung me this morning…..It set me asking few questions of myself. And I think I might have begun as a product of hand-me down values, but at the same time I am also someone who is constantly trying to make sense of these values to decide what I should retain as my legacy and what I should discard to pave way for my own believes. And now, that is a life-long progression. I read something this morning which explains my situation aptly:

Psychologists call the unease you feel when you hold two conflicting opinions cognitive dissonance. The theory is that you will be unwilling to simultaneously hold two apparently contradictory beliefs in your mind and will attempt to modify one or the other to minimize the dissonance or conflict.

Imagine what would happen with instances of more deep-seated beliefs. Not only do you have the dissonance associated with trying to hold two contradictory beliefs in your mind simultaneously, but, even worse, if you accept the new idea that might mean the first tone was wrong and you’ve lost your invested credibility!

Most people don’t like being wrong, so they would either ignore the new idea or even worse, come up with all sorts of counter arguments as to why it’s wrong. To an independent observer, this appears totally irrational.

My friends say that I break my pattern of thinking so often that it confuses people. My pattern breaks so often, because of a simple truth in life: We keep changing on a daily basis. And that change is a result of our experiences in life. As humans, we are after the truth. So we are constantly looking for whether the second idea is better than the first. And if the second idea is more accurate, serves us better, or is otherwise superior to the first one that we believe in, then we accept it or at least a better idea comes along.

And that is the reason my pattern keeps changing every so often. Not because I am fickle. It is because I believe I am `ME’ and I can never be a product of someone’s values and beliefs. And I am constantly evolving. If not, I will die.

Changing your mind after gathering more complete information and thoroughly thinking things through is a sign of being logical, thorough, thoughtful and wise –or at least I would like to think so. And that is how you find your DNA. It is a process. Sometimes it takes a few minutes and sometimes it takes a life time. You cannot rush it. It has to happen organically. In the bargain, friends might lose patience with you and might move on to other friendships. If that happens, it would be sad. But you will live. You will learn to enjoy and cherish the moments you had with them and then let them go. But you cannot compromise. You can only hope and pray that people who come into your life and the people, who are already there, will have the patience to let you discover your own truth.

I have made peace with myself. Last night I was disturbed. But now, I know for sure that I am not fickle, I am not a serial pattern-breaker, and I am just someone who is taking time to discover the DNA of her mind and soul, at my own pace. Yeah, I regret hurting or confusing friends in the bargain, but I cannot do it any other way!

How I met Krishna...the rags-to-riches-bookseller

Whenever I visit MG Road I make it a point to go to The Bookworm –a little bookshop tucked away in Shrungar Shopping Complex on MG. The store is owned by a young, soft-spoken man called Krishna.

I met Krishna two years ago and what a meeting it was! I chanced upon his then newly opened bookshop and entered it to indulge in some heavy-duty browsing. I have a fascination for old books and The Bookworm advertised itself as a `Treasure house for used books’. So there I was amidst tall rows of fiction, non-fiction, classics, biographies and self-help books. I saw a young man standing queitly in a corner of the shop. I felt a I-know-him-from-somewhere-kind-of- feeling. We see some people almost everyday in our lives the lift operators, janitors, office boys, the bus driver and the girl at the food world counter, yet we don’t know their names or dreams or where they come from. We don’t even acknowledge their existence sometimes. I apparently saw the young man almost everyday for three years because he used to sell books on the footpath next to my office. But I never gave much importance to that countenance. To me it belonged to a footpath-bookseller. How unconsciously prejudiced we can be? Some days I would stop by to browse through or buy some books that he usually spread out on a plastic cover on the footpath. At times, he would scramble to cover the books with a plastic sheet even as rain threatened to spoil his livelihood for the day. On a few occasions I have even witnessed the police harassing him. But I never paid much attention to him -the person! I always found him to be quite but intense –he was never pushy like other vendors and never aloof either. He definitely didn’t have an MBA but he knew how to treat his customers well for they kept coming back for more. And this young man was the owner of `The Bookworm'.

From the footpath to a cozy little book shop in an upscale address? How did that happen? Now I was curious. After all those years. I asked him, what’s your name? “Krishna,” he beamed.

Krishna came from a poor family in a village in Mysore. When he finished school he came to Bangalore looking for better prospects. He worked for another footpath bookseller in the mornings and pursued a degree in an evening college. He always had a passion for reading. However, he never read English books because his command over the language was poor, almost nil. He studied in Kannada medium. He knew the English alphabets and could read some words, but that was about it.

One day, Krishna decided to read `Papillion’. (Check the link for more info on the book) “This book was famous with the customers and I noticed many of them recommending it to their friends,” he recollects. His interest piqued, he picked up the book. It took him three months to finish the book, which he read with the help of a dictionary. After that, there was no stopping him, How to kill a mocking bird, Catcher in the Rye, Alchemist he devoured them all. The last two are his favorites. “I like the narrations”, he says casually.

Initially, he used to earn Rs.1500 per month. Later Krishna decided to strike out on his own and started his own footpath book stall. He used to make Rs.3000 a month. In two years he managed to save enough seed money to start The Bookworm. Seeing his dedication and enthusiasm some of his friends and vendors and customers pitched in with the rest of the amount.

How did he do it? “At some point I decided that I was going to start my own book store. I worked with determination towards my only goal.”

He worked 365 days a year from 8.30 am to 10 pm and more with no breaks or holidays. There wasn’t any spare cash to indulge in extra food or entertainment. He also had to send money back home. But he pulled it off.

The Bookworm has 98percent of all the tittles of almost all the authors. Within six months Kirshna opened another branch of The Bookworm since the first one became too small to accommodate his growth.

“My ultimate goal is to start a publishing house,” he says. “I want to publish good works of people that will go on to become classics."

Will he make it? I bet my last drop of ink -he will.

Today, every time I visit The Bookworm I am reminded of one man’s determination and the possibilities that life can offer to those who are willing to take a chance. Sometimes, we don't get what we want in life simply because our dreams don't leave the drawing board of our mind.

Walking on Water

It was a stormy night. The sea was angry, throwing up irate waves high and livid enough to devour anything in its path. Trapped in its predatory belly was a group of fishermen, huddled fearfully, in their small boat, which was being tossed and turned according to the whims of the sea. They were clutching their frightened hearts in their hands. They were at the mercy of a furious Mother Nature. All they wished for was to be back home safely.

In the midst of all this frenzy there was a figure walking on water. They couldn’t believe their eyes. It was walking towards them, steadily and serenely on the vehement waves. “Ghost, ghost,” they cried.

And the figure on the water spoke, “Take courage. It is I, do not be afraid.” It was God.

The men in the boat grew numb and silent. They didn’t believe a word of what they thought was the ghost of a raving lunatic –“who else would choose a night like this to go for a stroll on the ocean!”

But amongst them there was one fisherman who was different. He stood up, unsteadily, clutching his twittering heart, he said, “If you are really God, then make me to come to you –walking on water.”

His friends thought that he had lost his mind. “Shhhhh….sit down,” hissed one. “Are you mad?” cried another. “Why on earth would you want to walk on those raging waves, what purpose will it serve?” asked yet another. But the extraordinary fisherman knew what he wanted –he wanted to walk on water! He wished to do the impossible. He dared to do the impossible. So, he called out again. “God, if it is really, really, you then tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” said God

The crazy fisherman stepped out of the boat, in the middle of a storm, with his friends watching him aghast. He slowly and steadily walked on the stormy waters towards the figure that was beckoning him.

He was shocked to see what he was able to do. His ability and capability took him by surprise for never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that he would one day walk on water. He was exhilarated. He was amazed at his own power.

However, after a few minutes, doubts began to creep in. “What if I am unable to complete my journey?” thought the fisherman. “What will happen to me? Oh my God, I will drown and be lost in the humungous waves forever; buried in the sea bed for infinity….I will never get to see my family and friends…”

Doubts began gnawing at him vigorously. “I know I wanted to walk on water but was it right on my part to get off the boat? I should’ve thought about it some more before stepping off the boat. Why did I do it?” he chided himself. Suddenly, he was more afraid of the waves –it appeared more threatening and menacing to him than it did a few minutes ago. As he let his fears and doubts grow bigger than him he began to sink. He cried, “God save me…” Immediately, God reached out to the fisherman and caught him. “Why do you doubt?” God asked.

For me there are three important points that stand out in this story.

Firstly, the fisherman dared to do the impossible. He wanted to do something in life, which his friends hadn’t even dreamed of. And HE GRABBED THE first available opportunity thrown at him.

Secondly, once he began his journey he allowed self-doubts and fear to kill his adventurous spirit. I can relate to that and so can many others.

But, what he did next was what made this fisherman successful, for the Bible says, that this fisherman later went on to become a great leader in the world.

When he knew he was sinking, when he was struggling in his journey, he cried out for help. “Help me, please!”

Some of us don’t realize that it is okay to cry out for help. Seeking help is part of our journey in life, an important ritual that serves well in attaining our goals in life. All we have to do is ask, ask and ask again!

I find asking for help, the most difficult part of life. It makes you feel like a failure. It magnifies your weaknesses a hundred fold. Seeking help does not come naturally to many. Some feel that the very act of asking for a little help to achieve their goals takes something away from their achievements.
As writer Paulo Coelho mentioned, when we want something in life, the whole universe and God will conspire to give it to us. But everything depends on how badly we want it. If we do want it badly enough, then we should not hesitate to ask boldly, “Please, help me.”

PS: (Am still trying to master this art...)

Travel Plans for Life

I met her around nine years ago. She has been an inspiration to me all along. I never miss an opportunity to talk or write about her. When I don’t share her story with others, I feel I am denying people something precious to behold in their lives.

She was only nine-year’s old when the Creator decided to launch her on a journey of fame, success and glory. All three would come much later in life, but the voyage was to begin at the appointed time and hour. And so, it did. This is story of my friend Dr.Prema Dhanraj.

Prema was a beautiful child. She was an all rounder in school. For a nine-year old she was unusually independent. That evening, she came back home from school, early. She was humming. It was a song that she was going to sing at the competition the next day. The lyrics in her head danced to the music in her mouth. Her mother was at the neighbor’s and the housekeeper wasn’t around. SO Prema deicded to boil herself a glass of milk. She lit the old fashioned pumping gas stove on the floor.

Prema was still humming the song when the stove burst. It was the beginning of her pilgrimage in life. Flames licked her face. She closed her eyes into painful slits and cried out. Her ears, which were fast melting into a mass of flesh, were deaf to her screams. The raging flames eating her face –forehead, nose, eyes, cheeks, mouth -drowned her cries.

Fast forward. In the next five years Prema underwent 14 painful surgeries. The doctors at CMC, Vellore meticulously reconstructed her face, but it was never the same again. It turned into a face that made people on the road stop and stare. “People would gape in shock or quickly look away, embarrassed by may distorted face,” she would tell me later. Now, she is oblivious to such reactions.

Today, decades later, Prema is the head of the department of Reconstructive and Plastic surgery, CMC, Vellore –the same hospital where she battled for life eons ago. She is a world renowned surgeon whose expertise and knowledge in the field is sought after by leading hospitals in Europe and Africa. She travels across the globe helping people set up burn units. She is considered a surgeon par excellence. She performs numerous surgeries every day. She springs hope, where there is none. From dawn to dusk she makes sure that she uses every opportunity that comes her way, makes her talents count in life. Now, she is spending her time, energy and money in setting up Agniraksha –an organization that will help under privileged burn victims. “God has blessed me abundantly, I just want to give something back to the world,” she says.

I look at her and I am in awe of her. While I was thinking of all the things she lost in life because of her accident she was counting her blessings in life! I look at her again. The face reminds you of a beauty lost, but also reflects a beauty beyond words. The face still makes people do a double take, but it also spells hope for hundreds of them. My friend’s face is scarred; yet serene. Most importantly, hers is a happy face.

How did she come this far and climb this high in life with no rancor or rage? How did she negotiate the treacherous curves in life? “My looks never came in the way of my education or achieving what I wanted to,” she had told me. But that’s not the truth. What’s true is that Prema did not ALLOW her looks to come in the way of living her life the way she wanted to. Of course she did not reach that place of comfort overnight. It was a long and arduous journey. “My mother taught me to channelise my anger and bitterness into something positive,” she says. She told me, “You have got to live with this face for the rest of your life. It is up to you to decide to whether you want to live happily or not.”

Bad things do happen to good people. We have no control over certain events that might occur in our lives –somebody is diagnosed with a terrible ailment or somebody loses a family or a limb or goes through a painful divorce –we cannot plan for these things in life. One day we are fine and the next, we are given the biggest blow in life. What happens? Life continues –we wake up in the morning, we eat, we breathe, we live; there are bills to be paid, families to be taken care of and work to be done. Life continues, as it did yesterday and the day before. Yet we are left standing with a cross to bear. What do we do? I would say do what my friend Prema did. She says, “There were times when I asked God, `Why me?” But now I am beginning to think that if I hadn’t had this accident, I wouldn’t have achieved so much in life. I wouldn’t have reached out to so many people. I have come to accept that His ways are mysterious and it is best not to fight Him. Today, I have reached a stage where I think my accident has been a blessing disguise –to me and many people out there.”

One never knows when we will be catapulted on our special journey in life. The question is, do we make the journey fighting with ourselves and the Creator, every inch of the way, filled with bitterness, anger, fear and frustration, or do we play along and make the journey as peaceful, happy and useful as possible? The choice is ours. And the journey is a must!

My b'day...

Yesterday was my B'day.....and....

Once you cross 35, there is a primal awareness that you are moving from Stage I in life to Stage II and that the latter has a finite amount of time left for you to accomplish all that you want in life.

From ages 1-12 I wanted everything that my parents wanted for me (including the brightest yellow colour frock that my dad handpicked for me. How could you do that to me dad!?)
From 13-18 I wanted all those things that my parents didn’t want for me –that included a particular boy next door with a dubious reputation.
Ages 19-22, I wanted to conquer the world, with an effrontery that is unique to that age.
Between 23-29, I wanted to change the world –my way.
At 30, I began to change.
And at 37 I now want to accomplish my purpose in life.

I think at 37 all of us are fairly equipped to live life the way it should be lived –an adventurous journey filled with mystery.

At 37, you might not possess the innocence of a 10-year old anymore. I know babies don’t come from heaven, especially the ones that scream in the mall or the ones that ask a 100 questions during a family get together. But there’s still a child in you no matter how old you are.

You might not have the naiveté of a 14-year old. I know there are no knights in shining armor on white horses. Men hate wearing armor –“too hot in there”- and half the guys in the world don’t know how to ride a horse, let alone a white one.

You might not have the brazenness of an 18 year old where you say F*** nine times in a sentence that has only 12 words.

You might not possess the `I-don’t-give-a-damn-what-the-world-thinks-about-me’ audacity of a 22 year old. (It is true that what your boss thinks about you affects your promotions and increments).

You might not even indulge in `the world doesn’t give a damn about me’ perspective of a 30-year-old (You know what you think about yourself is more important than what the world does about you).

But at 37, you still have the zest for life, like a teenager; the charm of a young adult and the fire in the belly of yore- albeit mellowed, refined and mature.

Turning 37 has its advantages: Remember the time when you had to camouflage your Harold Robbins novel as `English II Non-Detail Text? Hah, at 37, you can have a copy of `The Complete Kamasutura’ in your study and people will label you as `evolved’.

At 25 when your friend cancels dinner plans, you sulk. At 37, you go out and dine with your gal pal instead. When the same friend asks you out on an impromptu coffee you ask him to FO with no malice and a sparkling smile. At 37, you don’t take things `personally’ you learn to take pleasure in every thing that life brings you. You value and cherish every moment and every relationship, because you are making memories here. And you believe that people come into your life, some might stay forever and some go away -but all have added to your life!

When you are 37 people stop clicking their tongues at your single status. They believe you are no more on the shelf –you have been moved to the attic.

As a 37 year old single woman you can bring home a baby minus the father and get featured on the cover of leading magazines in the country.

Above all –at 37 you learn to listen before you speak, earn before you spend and wait before you criticize. You realize the wrinkles on your face have another name –laughter lines. The number of lines near your eyes denotes the number of times your smile went all the way up to your eyes.

At 37 you are product of all those years gone by –mistakes made, lessons learnt and some forgotten, dreams dreamt some turned into reality and others shelved for life, innocence lost, experience gained, ignorance erased, knowledge acquired, thoughts and values shaped and reshaped by events in life.
At 37 you learn to try before you quit and you learn to live before you die.
Yes, at 37 you are well-equipped to live life.

A 35-year old single woman wants...

My friend, lets call her Ms.X, is a successful financial consultant in New York. She was a precocious teenager who had her whole life charted out. “By 21 I would be in the US,” she would read out from her list. “By 25, a successful financial consultant, 26, I will own a swanky car, a chic house and a handsome bank balance. At 29, I will get married and by 31 I will have my first child.”

Everything went as planned until age 29. After that Ms.X’s life went sky diving. Today, she is 35 and there is no husband or child in sight –she is SINGLE.

My friend lacked no suitors. However, not one was suitable. John looked like Tom Cruise and his only aim in life was to `look like Tom Cruise’. Hugh, that isn’t saying much! Matthew had enough money to buy John and Tom. However, on a good day, he looked like Mike Tyson PMSing -not a comforting thought!. Kevin was rich and handsome. “If George Bush is dumb, Kevin is Dumber, cried Ms.X from across the seven seas. Craig, I thought, was THE man for my friend – a walking encyclopedia with Greed god mien and wealth to match. “But he called my dog a DOG. Can you believe that?” Ms.X singed my ears with her assorted gasps and grunts. Apparently, she was thoroughly offended by Craig’s vocabulary or rather lack of it. But, how does one address a dog? Tony Blair? Dog Saar? I didn’t get it. “Sammy (that’s THE dog) is family,” Ms.X tried to explain. “He is this wonderful creature from whom I have learnt some of the greatest truths in life.” Apparently, how to snag a man was not part of those lessons taught by a celibate dog. (Sammy was strange!) “Moreover, he had appalling dental hygiene.” Who, Sammy? “No, Craigh.” Oh! Bottom line –Craig was shooed away. After Craig came Ashish, Ethan, Vivek, blah, blah, blah.

Today Ms.X has everything that she coveted except Mr.Right. Maybe there is no such thing as Mr. Right. “I know that,” she replied softly. “Why is that nowadays, we have so many women in their 30s, professionally successful women, who want to settle down and experience marital bliss but are unsuccessful at it?” Ms.X pondered.

Some say these women “expect too much”, they are “too rigid leaving no room for compromise”, and they are “irritatingly independent”.

Ms.X argues: “Is it `expecting too much’ to want to be able to intellectually vibe with your partner? Am I being too `rigid’ in wanting to marry a man not for the sake of marriage but for love? Am I `irritatingly independent’ when I say I can handle my own plumbing problem or want to take a man out for dinner? Is it wrong for a woman to insist on certain qualities in her life partner?”

My friend has a point, don’t you think so?

Bu then there is yet another old school of thought: “There is a time and age for women to get married. Modern women are busy chasing a career when they are supposed to marry. And by the time they decide to marry there ain't too many fish in the sea. You can’t be picky or you will be forgotten on the shelf.”

Ms.X’s response? Up goes the diamond clad middle finger. “That’s a load of BS,” she fumes. “At 22 if I had agreed to tie the knot my parents would’ve found me a suitable boy –suitable then would’ve been translated into decent family, looks, status, habits, great job etc. They would have also wanted us to be compatible. At 35 when I want the same things in a life partner, I am labeled difficult and asked not to be choosy? Why?

If you ask my opinion (not many make that mistake these days!) I think it’s a case of women having changed leaps and bounds over the years. What women want now is different from what they wanted five decades ago. The rest of the world is unable to keep pace with the transformation. They call her selfish and self destructive. “What is she complaining about? You made your bed now lay in it. Suffer the consequences of the choices that you made in life,” is the world’s reply to the contemporary woman’s anguish. The world does not know how to deal with a woman who wants to eat her cake and have it too. Problems would be solved if only my ilk knew how to get the baker too. Not any baker, but the right one!