My friend, lets call her Ms.X, is a successful financial consultant in New York. She was a precocious teenager who had her whole life charted out. “By 21 I would be in the US,” she would read out from her list. “By 25, a successful financial consultant, 26, I will own a swanky car, a chic house and a handsome bank balance. At 29, I will get married and by 31 I will have my first child.”
Everything went as planned until age 29. After that Ms.X’s life went sky diving. Today, she is 35 and there is no husband or child in sight –she is SINGLE.
My friend lacked no suitors. However, not one was suitable. John looked like Tom Cruise and his only aim in life was to `look like Tom Cruise’. Hugh, that isn’t saying much! Matthew had enough money to buy John and Tom. However, on a good day, he looked like Mike Tyson PMSing -not a comforting thought!. Kevin was rich and handsome. “If George Bush is dumb, Kevin is Dumber, cried Ms.X from across the seven seas. Craig, I thought, was THE man for my friend – a walking encyclopedia with Greed god mien and wealth to match. “But he called my dog a DOG. Can you believe that?” Ms.X singed my ears with her assorted gasps and grunts. Apparently, she was thoroughly offended by Craig’s vocabulary or rather lack of it. But, how does one address a dog? Tony Blair? Dog Saar? I didn’t get it. “Sammy (that’s THE dog) is family,” Ms.X tried to explain. “He is this wonderful creature from whom I have learnt some of the greatest truths in life.” Apparently, how to snag a man was not part of those lessons taught by a celibate dog. (Sammy was strange!) “Moreover, he had appalling dental hygiene.” Who, Sammy? “No, Craigh.” Oh! Bottom line –Craig was shooed away. After Craig came Ashish, Ethan, Vivek, blah, blah, blah.
Today Ms.X has everything that she coveted except Mr.Right. Maybe there is no such thing as Mr. Right. “I know that,” she replied softly. “Why is that nowadays, we have so many women in their 30s, professionally successful women, who want to settle down and experience marital bliss but are unsuccessful at it?” Ms.X pondered.
Some say these women “expect too much”, they are “too rigid leaving no room for compromise”, and they are “irritatingly independent”.
Ms.X argues: “Is it `expecting too much’ to want to be able to intellectually vibe with your partner? Am I being too `rigid’ in wanting to marry a man not for the sake of marriage but for love? Am I `irritatingly independent’ when I say I can handle my own plumbing problem or want to take a man out for dinner? Is it wrong for a woman to insist on certain qualities in her life partner?”
My friend has a point, don’t you think so?
Bu then there is yet another old school of thought: “There is a time and age for women to get married. Modern women are busy chasing a career when they are supposed to marry. And by the time they decide to marry there ain't too many fish in the sea. You can’t be picky or you will be forgotten on the shelf.”
Ms.X’s response? Up goes the diamond clad middle finger. “That’s a load of BS,” she fumes. “At 22 if I had agreed to tie the knot my parents would’ve found me a suitable boy –suitable then would’ve been translated into decent family, looks, status, habits, great job etc. They would have also wanted us to be compatible. At 35 when I want the same things in a life partner, I am labeled difficult and asked not to be choosy? Why?
If you ask my opinion (not many make that mistake these days!) I think it’s a case of women having changed leaps and bounds over the years. What women want now is different from what they wanted five decades ago. The rest of the world is unable to keep pace with the transformation. They call her selfish and self destructive. “What is she complaining about? You made your bed now lay in it. Suffer the consequences of the choices that you made in life,” is the world’s reply to the contemporary woman’s anguish. The world does not know how to deal with a woman who wants to eat her cake and have it too. Problems would be solved if only my ilk knew how to get the baker too. Not any baker, but the right one!
5 comments:
I don't think it's about things like handling your own plumbing or insisting on paying... I think it's more about expecting equality in ways that is probably not acceptable to some. Also, it's about not wanting to make the consessions our mothers made. Unfortunately, while most women are learning [like fathers/ colleagues/ brother ie men in general] to become independent, most men aren't learning [like their mums etc and other women figures in their lives] to become softer, more tolerant. So in effect, all of us - men and women, are trying to become more like men. No one wants to go the other way for fear of being seen as soft/ or hen-pecked/ or doormat-ish.
okeh. that's a long thesis.
Nice blog Sudha. And that's a real hotie pic ;-) looking forward to reading more.
After 40 years of married life, I am now a single woman having lost my husband. This means re=engineering my life...being able to fix leaky taps...driving that lizard on the wall out of the window...doing the rounds to the CA to file my tax returns... Only, I had no choice in my siglehood. But I am learning to see the brighter side of it... No making breakfast..cooking what I want....just lazing aroiund and more than anything...watching what I want on TV.
Great post!! Some of my friends will definitely benefit from it, hence I am putting a link on my blog, hope you are ok with it! If you are not, please drop me a note and I will remove the link :).
Heres my post, on similar lines.. inspired by your post... with due references given:
http://merlins-world.blogspot.com/2009/04/single-and-ready-to-mingle-but.html
Gosh! Is that Ms X me??? hehehe..
Very well written. Can relate with every word in this post :)
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