There are three things that all humans should absolutely learn to do:
When you like/love someone tell them –be it mom, dad, sibling, friend, husband, lover, children….for god’s sake TELL THEM. Then learn the art of letting go and finally learn to move on in life.
My friends say, “Yes, you need to tell people how you feel about them, but when it is between a man and a woman and if the woman happens to like the man then she should do anything but tell him.” My question: Why? Friends answer: “Men like to chase and not be chased. A woman should always wait for the man to make the first move. If she doesn’t 99% of the time the man loses interest. That’s the law of nature.” They might have a point there. But I still prefer to stick to my guns. When you like a person (irrespective of the gender) you need to let them know your feelings. It is based on a simple logic: When somebody tells me that they like me or they appreciate me (I mean genuinely), my heart floods with a joy that adds a zing to my step. It is a beautiful feeling. Humans are social animals and we feed off each other’s energies, vibrations and love. So, I presume, it is the same joy that would warm the cockles of the heart of the other person who hears it from me about how I feel about him/her. Why then hide those feelings that are pure, positive and all love? Why play mind games? Why wait for the other person to discover your untold feelings? And if he or she doesn’t `discover' then set out to manipulate their actions till you get what you want? Life is too short to play complicated games. So I say when you like someone tell them –it doesn’t matter that you are a woman.
I will always carry the regret of not expressing my feelings towards a relative and then it was too late. She meant the world to me and on the day I saw her face down in the well in the backyard I knew I would never be able to tell her how much I loved her and what joy she brought into my life. I never want to repeat that mistaket ever in my life.
One must also be prepared for the consequences of our actions. It is here that my friends are absolutely true in their analysis. Nine out of ten times, men are unable to handle a woman expressing her feelings towards them. They become Olympic sprinters on a 100 mt dash. Even when you want to convince them that you are not thinking of walking down the aisle with them for the next thousand years, they get the hibee jeebes. They become so damn nervous that they don’t listen to what you have to say: I like you and all I want to do is get to know you better and see where it goes. So before you reach the third word in the sentence the man is in the next town. Still, no matter how painful the rejection is I believe one should always be true to their feelings.
Well, you tell the person how you feel and your feelings aren’t reciprocated. Then what do you do. It is here that we need to learn the art of LETTING GO. Which a nurse in a hospital in Bangalore refused to do. Apparently, the young woman was unable to accept the fact that her boyfriend wanted to end the relationship with her. So she decided to confront him with a bottle of acid. In the ensuing fracas the man escaped the furious acidic fumes but the woman was not so lucky. Today, she is in the same hospital where she worked, with 80% burns fighting for her life. Was the man worth it? Never in a zillion years is anyone worth your life.
This is what I don’t understand –when somebody doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, then what use is it to want that man/woman in your life? Do you genuinely think you can be happy with such an arrangement? Don’t we all deserve the best? Why should we settle down for the second best?
You cannot change how people feel towards you. It has to come from within them. Only those feelings last. They might have genuine reasons for not reciprocating your feelings. Or they might be plain jerks. No matter what, their rejection is not a reflection of who you are and what you are as a person. It is just the universe telling you –He/she is not for you. There is someone better and more deserving waiting for you. Let go. You do all that you have to do and then let go. However, clichéd it might sound, it is true that if he/she is meant for you they will come back otherwise they were never meant to be in your life to begin with.
Letting go is easier said than done. What makes it easier is the ability to follow the principle of Moving On in life. Firstly, never sweep the incident under the carpet. Acknowledge you are hurt and disappointed. And that you feel as unworthy as a kitchen rag. That you want to turn your man into a rare steak and feed him to your dogs. But then your grieving period should come with an expiry date. Anything between 24 hours to two weeks should be ideal or whatever works for you, let it not be a life-long venture. During this period, talk to your friends, write a journal, and get all the venom, the sadness, the hurt, the pain -everything out of your system. It is cathartic. Learn to be more forgiving of your mistakes. Then when your time is up, get ready to see the other side. Maybe the person did you a favor by being honest about his/her feelings. Maybe he or she is a wonderful person it is just that they are not for you. They have someone else waiting for them out there in the world just like you have someone waiting for you. But until and unless, you let go of this person, the universe will not bring you the one that is truly meant for you.
Think of the good times that you had together. Forgive each other for the hurt that you have caused. And move on in life, carrying only the sweet memories of the past and hope for the future. Remember, only when you let go, you gain something.
When you like/love someone tell them –be it mom, dad, sibling, friend, husband, lover, children….for god’s sake TELL THEM. Then learn the art of letting go and finally learn to move on in life.
My friends say, “Yes, you need to tell people how you feel about them, but when it is between a man and a woman and if the woman happens to like the man then she should do anything but tell him.” My question: Why? Friends answer: “Men like to chase and not be chased. A woman should always wait for the man to make the first move. If she doesn’t 99% of the time the man loses interest. That’s the law of nature.” They might have a point there. But I still prefer to stick to my guns. When you like a person (irrespective of the gender) you need to let them know your feelings. It is based on a simple logic: When somebody tells me that they like me or they appreciate me (I mean genuinely), my heart floods with a joy that adds a zing to my step. It is a beautiful feeling. Humans are social animals and we feed off each other’s energies, vibrations and love. So, I presume, it is the same joy that would warm the cockles of the heart of the other person who hears it from me about how I feel about him/her. Why then hide those feelings that are pure, positive and all love? Why play mind games? Why wait for the other person to discover your untold feelings? And if he or she doesn’t `discover' then set out to manipulate their actions till you get what you want? Life is too short to play complicated games. So I say when you like someone tell them –it doesn’t matter that you are a woman.
I will always carry the regret of not expressing my feelings towards a relative and then it was too late. She meant the world to me and on the day I saw her face down in the well in the backyard I knew I would never be able to tell her how much I loved her and what joy she brought into my life. I never want to repeat that mistaket ever in my life.
One must also be prepared for the consequences of our actions. It is here that my friends are absolutely true in their analysis. Nine out of ten times, men are unable to handle a woman expressing her feelings towards them. They become Olympic sprinters on a 100 mt dash. Even when you want to convince them that you are not thinking of walking down the aisle with them for the next thousand years, they get the hibee jeebes. They become so damn nervous that they don’t listen to what you have to say: I like you and all I want to do is get to know you better and see where it goes. So before you reach the third word in the sentence the man is in the next town. Still, no matter how painful the rejection is I believe one should always be true to their feelings.
Well, you tell the person how you feel and your feelings aren’t reciprocated. Then what do you do. It is here that we need to learn the art of LETTING GO. Which a nurse in a hospital in Bangalore refused to do. Apparently, the young woman was unable to accept the fact that her boyfriend wanted to end the relationship with her. So she decided to confront him with a bottle of acid. In the ensuing fracas the man escaped the furious acidic fumes but the woman was not so lucky. Today, she is in the same hospital where she worked, with 80% burns fighting for her life. Was the man worth it? Never in a zillion years is anyone worth your life.
This is what I don’t understand –when somebody doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, then what use is it to want that man/woman in your life? Do you genuinely think you can be happy with such an arrangement? Don’t we all deserve the best? Why should we settle down for the second best?
You cannot change how people feel towards you. It has to come from within them. Only those feelings last. They might have genuine reasons for not reciprocating your feelings. Or they might be plain jerks. No matter what, their rejection is not a reflection of who you are and what you are as a person. It is just the universe telling you –He/she is not for you. There is someone better and more deserving waiting for you. Let go. You do all that you have to do and then let go. However, clichéd it might sound, it is true that if he/she is meant for you they will come back otherwise they were never meant to be in your life to begin with.
Letting go is easier said than done. What makes it easier is the ability to follow the principle of Moving On in life. Firstly, never sweep the incident under the carpet. Acknowledge you are hurt and disappointed. And that you feel as unworthy as a kitchen rag. That you want to turn your man into a rare steak and feed him to your dogs. But then your grieving period should come with an expiry date. Anything between 24 hours to two weeks should be ideal or whatever works for you, let it not be a life-long venture. During this period, talk to your friends, write a journal, and get all the venom, the sadness, the hurt, the pain -everything out of your system. It is cathartic. Learn to be more forgiving of your mistakes. Then when your time is up, get ready to see the other side. Maybe the person did you a favor by being honest about his/her feelings. Maybe he or she is a wonderful person it is just that they are not for you. They have someone else waiting for them out there in the world just like you have someone waiting for you. But until and unless, you let go of this person, the universe will not bring you the one that is truly meant for you.
Think of the good times that you had together. Forgive each other for the hurt that you have caused. And move on in life, carrying only the sweet memories of the past and hope for the future. Remember, only when you let go, you gain something.
2 comments:
Once again you have hit the nail on the head. Absolutely true. But it is so difficult to let go, you know what I mean? Yet, it is something that needs to be done. Enjoyed reading your thoughts sudha. Wonderful
you are mistaking the forest for the trees. It is not that guys dont like
to hear that a girl feels about them.
But if it is a) at a time when the guy does not reciprocate the feeling,
it only makes life difficult for the guy.
2) part of love or whatever is that these things should happen naturally.
That is what is called clicking, rather than just a one-way street.
3) Sure letting go if it can be done easily is one way. However, memories of a good time about one's own feelings (irrespective of reciprocity) is itself something nice and good, and can be cherished.
A guy
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