Give me some of my past, just one more time...

Change is the only constant in life. It is inevitable. It is necessary.And its definitions are always cliched! But no matter what, the `new’ always makes your heart pine for `certain moments’ of the old; those special moments of a time gone by. Even if the `new’ is wonderful the heart hangs around certain exceptional moments of the past. Moments that will never be repeated. Moments those come with the rider –`one time only’.

There are definite `Moments’ in life that can never be had, ever again. But you want to –just one more time…..Wonderful school days of yore, carefree time spent with college mates who thought that the future was nothing but rosy and all will remain young, happy, untroubled and together –forever. The thump of an adolescent heart when it discovers love for the first time (okay, fine it was infatuation, but the 15 year old heart didn’t know it at that time). The first time your boyfriend took your hand in his and the sensation that ran right through your veins all the way to your toes. The first kiss – (in my opinion, highly overrated) when you expected the world to come to a standstill (and you waited and waited and waited, but it never happened) still the strangely sweet sensation that you felt in your heart moments before your untouched lips were marked forever would never be felt ever again. The first time you heard someone say `I love you’ to you and how your body morphed into an imaginary eagle soaring high in the clear blue skies, thinking it was going to last forever. Soon you realize it’s not to be. But that first heady sensation was so truly marvelous. Moments before you meet a person with whom you shared a great chemistry over the phone line for months together. You might continue to have that chemistry but the earlier one was dearer. The chase before the catch. Precious moments of being wooed and pursued before you give in. The moments of courtship before copulation. Moments that are unique and will never be repeated again.

These treasured memories are cloaked in nothing but sheer joy and pleasure and untainted by the vagaries of life. And they are felt just once and are never repetitive. These memories are important for they are the catalysts of change. They push you forward in life. From one stage to another. They prompt you to take the next step into another realm. Hurling you into the thick of change; of a future filled with promise and hope. But there is no going back to where you came from. The minute you step on to the next stage the previous one becomes a `memory’ –lost in the past for eternity.

And these memories fade with time, no matter how desperately you try to hold on to them. Ultimately what you are left with is a dull ache of things gone by and an outline of what once was. You pine for them. You yearn for them. You hope to have just one more tryst with those precious moments embedded in your past. But the truth that you can’t makes change all the more painful and poignant.

Recently, I made numerous memories to be stored in the treasure chest of life. I know I can never have those moments in life ever again. I wish I had somehow found a way to prolong those moments, but all special moments come with a time limit; an expiry date. Those moments launched me into the next phase in life. But like all humanity, I know I will pine for just one more dalliance with those special moments from my past, in the twilight years of my life, crying silently – “just one more time….”