Some angels make it down to earth and some don't

PUBLISHED IN: INDIAN EXPRESS

Once again the city is revisited by the sensational Shakeereh Khaleeli murder case. There are views and counterviews about what should be an appropriate punishment for the perpetrator of the crime, Shradananda. As a group of media people were talking about the case and the people involved in it the discussion veered towards the beginning of the end of the life of a once beautiful woman. One journalist who had followed the case right from the start, and who was privy to privileged information said, “It is so sad how Shakeereh’s desire to have a male child led her to trust Shradananda, who had promised her a son and then led her to her grave.”

Here was a fine-looking lady, hailing from a prominent family and married into an equally important family and who had apparently lacked nothing in life. Yet it appears that she yearned for a male offspring. So much so, she was willing to give up all that was important in her life (including her daughters) and her life itself to fulfill that one desire. Why?

From where do some people acquire this belief that life is incomplete without a male heir? You might argue that things have changed –and yes, it has, but still we are a country that kills its girl babies. And if you think this happens only in the villages, think again.

There is a prominent business family in this city known for their classiness, generosity and business acumen. Eons ago when their highly educated daughter-in-law gave birth to a first-born girl child the entire family rejoiced. After a year the she became pregnant again. When she discovered that she was going to have a girl child, she aborted the child. The following pregnancies (yes it was more than one!) met with the same fate until she conceived a `male’ progeny. Why?

Would she have been thrown out of the house for giving birth to a baby girl the second time or even the third time? Would she have been ill treated for not giving birth to a boy? Did they ever tell her, look beti, you make sure you give us a grandson the next time otherwise….”? “Oh no, my folks are wonderful people,” she had said. Then what made her do what she did? “I don’t know how to explain this, the words are not spoken, but somehow you feel there is an inherent meaning hanging in the air that says, `We are happy with a girl child but we would be happier with a boy at least the second time around’. It is almost like a hidden code of honor –that if you don’t have a male heir you are incomplete. Many women in this country can sense this unspoken decree -it is there in that look, that tone, that body movement that says –you have had a girl, again! Above all it is there in your head –I don’t know how it got there but the thought is there –that I would feel complete or done my duty as a wife and daughter-in-law if I had son. For me both my children are precious. My daughter is given equal importance. But I still know that my husband feels happy to have a son.”

This misplaced and perverted desire to have a son at any cost has been ingrained in the minds of some of our men and women that they believe no family can be complete without a son. The urban communities might not pay the nurse to strangle the girl child minutes after her birth a la in the villages. The educated people might not abuse the woman who has given birth to second or third baby girl. But they have their own urbane ways of expressing their displeasure or their prejudice. I was once talking to a young girl who told me that she wished to become an engineer. I asked, “Then why are you opting for literature in college?” And she said, “Oh, that’s because my older brother got into engineering two years ago. And my family does not want me to pursue engineering since it would increase their financial burden. They’d rather spend that money on my brother to complete his engineering, that’s why I decided to do literature.” All I could say was, “Why don’t you approach the banks for an education-loan?” I didn’t know how to answer the numerous unanswered questions burning within that young girl.

A journalist acquaintance of mine, oldest among two sisters, has a father who hasn’t uttered a word to either her mother or his two daughters in more than two and half decades? He stopped communicating with his family the minute his second daughter was born. He blames his wife for not giving him a son. He is currently, holding a high post in a bank. How do you explain such preposterous behavior amongst educated people? Who do you blame? The society, the family, the individual? All I know is it is up to the individual to set this wrong right –damn the society! There are many angels that come down from heaven, some don’t make it while some make it but are not treated like angels! And I strongly believe that all angels are girls. Call me a feminist if you want!